Thursday, May 21, 2009

Today, the strong urge to buy a motorcycle came over me. Don't worry, I didn't actually buy one...yet But, how cool would it be to have one??
When I was little, I asked for a motorcycle for Christmas.
You know what I got??
A toy motorcycle.
I didn't think that was very funny.
The rest of the family did. cool would it be to have a motorcycle?
Maybe I'll buy one as a reward to myself for something in the future. Like, not in a year, but maybe 5 or 10 years down the road?
You know, my list of things to do keeps getting longer every day.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009


Tonight, after work, I went shopping for new clothes.
There was an excellent chance that this would be a great outing.
The other day, I had seen a couple things that I wanted to try on.
I had coupons that if I would have bought a total of $75 worth of clothes, I actually would have only paid $20. So, that's what I was shooting least $75 worth to make my coupons work for me.

The clothes were great...great colors, great looks, my styles. I mean, these clothes were f--ing HOT!!!

And then I entered the dressing room. And that's where it all went straight to hell!

The clothes that were so hot on the hanger were not so much on me. They either didn't fit or didn't fit right. They showed too much of the things I don't want to show... You know...the fat, stretch marks, etc.

And now I'm totally disappointed. I mean, these clothes were great. They were the styles that I like, the colors that I like and are in fashion, and they were clothes that had the potential to make me look like great (you know the clothes...the ones you see everyone else wearing an think, "That's really cute or hot or whatever other word you want to put in here.") And I walked out of there with absolutely nothing!

So, now, I'm determined to lose weight. When I think about my body, the image that's in the mirror is not the image that comes to mind. Then, I happen to walk by the mirror and I quickly look away because that can't be me.

Anyone have any good, quick, healthy recipes? Anyone have any advice on huge weight loss? Help, please!

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Wide Open Spaces

Have you ever wanted to lay down in a field and just surrender yourself to the grass and wind?

No? Maybe I'm the only one. Almost two years ago, as my friend and I were driving across country, I had this experience. We were in Minnesota, on some back roads, driving through the praire. Every now and then a grain elevator would show itself. No trees, no mountains. We ended up surrounded by praire at one point. The landscape was open and green; green and rolling. The wind was amazing. We learned later that they were having high cross winds in the northern plains. Whatever it was, it was a beautiful combination. So beautiful, breath-taking, and awe-inspiring that I had to stop the car. Literally, I pulled over and just sat. I had to feel it. We rolled down the windows. I got out. I had to feel it. What I really wanted to do was to run into the middle of the grass and lay down. However, I didn't think that whoever owned the land would appreciate that. So, I restrained. We took video and pictures, but they don't do it justice.

Since then, I often feel like I need to do that. Just find a field and lay down in the grass. And just be. Just let everything blow over me and be in the middle of it, and just be. Not worrying about the pile of papers that keep growing on my desk at work, not worrying about emptying the dishwasher, not trying to make anyone happy. Just be.

When I think about where I want to vacation or where I would go on retreat, my mind goes there. To forget it all. To just be. To the green, wide open, rolling praire.