Family Dynamics

A week or so ago Sandy wrote a post about how her family has changed. Today, my sister and I had a similar conversation about our family. So, I thought I'd post part of an email that covers some of my thoughts on the matter.

I read your blog post about things not being
the same as you remember them. It's crazy, isn't it? I think that's
what happens when you become an adult. I've been thinking about your post
and how true that is for my family too and I'm wondering if that's the "loss of
innocence" they talk about...or at least one facet of it. I don't know
about you, but when I look back at growing up, I usually remember the good
parts, the feelings of belonging and being part of something important and
big. And now I look at it and just see the brokenness and lonelyness and
wish that it could go back to the way it was. Maybe things really were
like that...warm and cozy. Maybe they weren't. Maybe it's because we
now realize the responsibilities our parents and grandparents had to take on to
make life like that for us. Maybe it's because times have changed.
Or maybe this happens to everyone as they grow up...even as far back as our
great great grandparents. Who knows. All I know is that I still long
for that feeling of belonging and wish that family was as close as I
remember us all being. But, I do think that the thing that
causes change is that some of that "glue" that held our families
together...our grandparents, our aunts, our great aunts, whoever...have
passed on and taken the memories and the strength with them. But,
perhaps it's just the passing of a torch from one family member to the
next. Now it's our turn to make that feeling of belonging for others in
our family, our turn to remember the memories and pass them on, our turn to
insist on traditions that will hold our family together. Somebody
wrote a comment about not being able to go back home. I think
you can go back home. But, we just have to remember that, just as we grew
when we moved away from home, our families grew when we moved away too.
Although I have a hard time digesting that.

I'm still trying to figure out my role in my family
now that I'm an adult. And in some ways, I don't think that some of my
family views me as an adult. I often still feel like I'm being treated
like a 12 year old by some people. And I don't know how to handle
that.