No Man Is An Island

Turning 30

2011-09-03T20:15:00.002-04:00

I turn 30 tomorrow. I'm not sure why I'm feeling like this is a big deal, but I am. I've been reflecting quite a bit about it. I've also been looking forward from it. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel in my 30's. When I turned 20, I had so many possibilities in front of me...graduating college, going to grad school, getting a job, getting my own place, growing up, figuring out who I am. I knew that my 20's held the promise of adulthood. And now, I guess I'm an adult, although I still feel like I'm just 17. I have graduated college, graduated grad school, have worked for 6 years and am starting my 7th year, have a car, have an apartment, pay bills... I guess I just don't know what to expect in my 30's. I have hopes, but I don't want to jinx myself.

Over the past several months, I've been thinking of all of the things that I've done and experienced in my 30 years. I've been to 25 states (actually 28, but I'm not counting airports or states that I didn't really get a feel for), been in 3 countries, and have flown only 3 trips. I've seen both the Pacific and the Atlantic Ocean and have seen 4 Great Lakes. I've been to weddings and funerals. I've held babies and comforted the elderly. I've learned how to walk, talk, read, write, drive, use a computer, play the drums, and have learned more than I can possibly remember. I've had friends and enemies. I've loved, cried, laughed and hoped.

I've also been thinking about what life could hold for the next 30 years (yep, just like the Tim McGraw song...maybe that's why I'm thinking about turning 30). Most things I'm too afraid to say outloud for fear that they won't come true. But, in my heart, I have dreams.

So, here's to the next 30 years and the dreams that will be fulfilled!

Sunset

2011-08-12T21:01:00.004-04:00

Sunset. Dusk. To say this is my favorite time of day is a gross understatement. Summer sunset drives on back country roads are what calm me, ground me, center me. To experience one of these drives is for one to begin to understand my soul. The sight surpasses description. The sounds are soothing. The smell, the smell transports me back to a much simpler time of sitting on a front porch swing with someone who was very important to me. I feel this time of day with every fiber of my being. I feel it so deep down in my soul that if it would cease to exist I fear that I would shrivel up and die. Dusk. The time when the world calms. The day is finished, no need to rush off anywhere. The time to pause, reflect, consider. The time to realize that there is something bigger, that you are a part of something bigger, something outside of the chaos man creates. Words, pictures cannot do justice to this display. Images, sounds will be kept in the recesses of the mind and soul and used when tired and weary.

A little recap...

2011-07-24T20:19:00.002-04:00

Well, I guess that November was a while ago, huh?!? Apparently I was busier than I thought. Or, maybe I just neglected blogging.

Anyway, I've now finished another school year and am in the middle of summer vacation. While this past school year started out better because we had 4 therapists instead of 2, it just ended badly. In the end, everyone was creating drama about everyone else and now I'm asking myself who I should really trust in the department. The economic situation in the state has caught up to the school districts and the district has cut back on a lot of things. Luckily, the worst of it was just shuffling people around and only laying off a handful of staff/teachers. Although, they keep telling us that this next year will be the worst of it. Right now, I'm thankful to have a job and will continue to work on building up my savings and paying off debt in case things do get worse. This coming year, the district is opening up a new building that will house all of our 4, 5, and 6th grade students. So, this means I get a new building and have to set it up when I go back in a few weeks. In addition to a new building, we all moved rooms in the building I am currently in, so I get to set up another whole room too. But, at least I'm now out of a closet sized room and into an actual classroom. I'm looking forward to the next school year and hopefully pulling everyone together in the department. I'm already brainstorming ways to do this. We'll see what happens.

In other news, I've been going to a Catholic Church for about 8 or 9 months. I started to go because I've always been kind of curious about the Catholic Faith. I've found it to be humble and reverent and actually kind of refreshing. After being submerged in the "contemporary" wave of churches in college, it's kind of nice to kind of get back to the basics. I'd love to know any thoughts anyone has on the Catholic Church. I'm so new at all of it and I'm still forming my opinion about it. I've read a book on it, but it seemed to be more about how the Catholic Church was the original church and the "right" way. I'd like to find more information about their beliefs. We'll see where it all leads. I just want to make sure that I'm doing it for the right reasons and not because my good friends at work are Catholic or because I'm just church shopping.

My family is doing pretty well. My mom seems to have improved, although she still has a hard time getting up from a chair. She has fallen 5 times in the past year, which has all of us scared. My dad turned 80 in December and has good days and bad days, I guess like we all do.

Well, I guess that's a pretty good recap. Now I'll have to just keep up on blogging.

2011-06-29T10:38:00.002-04:00

What?!? The last time I posted was November? Guess I need to get back to blogging... Soon, I promise.

Integrity

2010-11-07T10:22:00.003-05:00

A few weeks ago, someone told me that I had integrity. I'm still mulling over what that means. I'd never had anyone tell me that before. I even had to look it up in the dictionary. I'm trying to figure out what it means to me and why someone would say that because I don't feel like I do. So, I'm wondering, what does integrity mean to you?

Seasons Change

2010-10-31T11:20:00.002-04:00

This is a post that I've been meaning to write every time the season changes for about the past year and a half, but I just never sat down to do it.

I love the change in seasons. This may be contradictory to my life because I've never been a huge fan of change in general, but I love when the seasons change.

One of the questions that I ask my students, in an effort to spark conversation, is "What is your favorite season (winter, spring, summer or fall). I'd have to say that my favorite season is the time when they change. I feel like it's a starting over. Just when you get tired of the heat of summer, fall comes along and changes it up, brings cool breezes and pretty colors. When you get tired of the drab brown of fall after the leaves have blown away, along comes the cleansing white of winter snow and brightens up those dreary days. When you are so tired of being cold and seeing brown slush everywhere, along comes the smell of warming soil and new blooms of spring. When you get tired of the April showers, along comes the warm, sunny days of summer. And when you get tired of the heat and brown, dried out grass, the cycle starts again.

I really like all of the seasons. I don't think that I could live in a place that didn't have all four seasons. In addition to the refreshment that each change in season brings me, I hold a special place in my heart for each season. Fall brings back to school and pumpkins and fall fests. I grew to love fall in college when a friend of mine and I were in charge of the fall fest that our student activities office held. Seeing it all come together and seeing so many people enjoy it was amazing! Fall also brings Thanksgiving, which has many memories itself. I remember the smell of turkey in the oven. I remember gettting up and watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade. I remember packing up the car with turkey, gravy and pies and heading to Grandma's house. I remember sitting on the stairs at my Grandma's house watching the end of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade and watching the bustle of the women in my family in the kitchen.

Winter brings snow! I love snow! It's because it makes everything clean and calm. Have you ever been outside when it is snowing? Everything becomes quite. It insulates. And when the sun, or moon, hits snow, it's brilliant! My favorite part in "Twas the Night Before Christmas" is "And the moon on the breast of the new fallen snow, gave the luster of midday to objects below." And Winter brings Christmas and New Years and family and more memories. Memories of sled riding, of opening presents, of going back to Grandma's house and being with aunts and uncles and cousins. And winter brings a sense of hibernation. Of resting.

Spring brings the smell of baseball! Yes, I said the smell of baseball. I can smell baseball. It has to do with the smell of warm dirt and the smell of the breeze. Each year I wait and wait and finally, one morning, I'll take a deep breath and I can smell it! And then I start hoping and beliving that the Pirates will pull off a miracle season! And spring brings the smell of flowers. Of lilacs and hyacynths. And spring brings Easter and more memories of Grandma's house. Easter dinner with cousins and aunts and uncles. And eating boston cream pie and ham and scalloped potatoes. It brings memories of fishing in the pond at my Grandma's farm...and of "catching" my cousins finger with my fishing hook.

Summer brings no school! And when I was a kid, it brought my friends from Oklahoma! It brings memories of fireflies and being at the Big House. It brings bon fires and talks long into the night. It brings mowing the grass and rides on the John Deere. It brings family reunions. It brings memories of staying at Grandma's house, even though I was scared and didn't want to be away from my mommy! It brings memories of being stung by a bee at Grandma's and Grandma taking care of me and putting a paste of baking soda and something on it. It brings memories of Grandma reading "Little Brown Cocoa" and saying our prayers before bed.

So, as you can see, I love all of the seasons, I love the change in seasons. Maybe I just love weather? They say songs and smells can bring memories to a persons mind. Maybe seasons have the same effect?

New Year's Eve/Happy New Year

2010-08-20T22:34:00.003-04:00

Anyone confused yet?

I'm getting ready for a new year. My calendar does not run January to December. My calendar runs from September to August. When you work in a school, the "next year" does not refer to one year, such as 2011, but rather refers to a school year, such as 2010-2011. So, when I refer to last year, it could be a few months ago.
Anyway, my new year will be starting soon. So, I'll spend the next few days fitting in some "rushed" relaxing, if that makes sense. I'll also be reflecting and hypothesizing about the new school year. I'll set resolutions, just as normal people do in January.
So, if you don't mind, I'm going to go get some noise makers and some bubbly of some kind and send this year off and start the new one out right, hopefully.

Because I always mean to post and...

2010-08-01T09:34:00.002-04:00

Since Aola said she'd be around to check for updates... and since I haven't posted anything since April... Here goes, although there are only like 2 people that read this anyway.

Where to start? It's summer and I'm recovering from an insane school year. Along with the usual pressures of working in a school, one member of our speech therapy department quit in February. Because the school district was unable to find a replacement, this added all of her work onto myself and the other speech therapist, bringing our caseload numbers to new high levels (as if they weren't already over the state recommended number). How we managed to actually juggle everything and still come out the other side still makes me shake my head. But, we did and now I'm trying to regroup and refocus and destress before another school year starts. Fortunately, we have hired two additional speech therapists, brining our total to 4. This has the promise of being a lot less work. Let's hope that is actually how it plays out. I think in my 5 years of working, there has only been 1 year that I would consider "normal". My sanity needs an easy year.

Other than regrouping from work, my summer has been filled with family and friends. I've taken two vacations. The first one was to Philly with my parents and sister. We went to Valley Forge (George Washington's winter camp during one year in the Revolutionary War), of which, I think I enjoyed this the most. The rest of my family probably could have skipped it. I'm not sure why I love history things like this, but I do. We also went to Byer's Choice. It's a place where they make hand carved carolers for Christmas decorations. The place is set up in different Christmas scenes and is really cool to go through. My mom was able to go through it. Since she is unable to walk for long periods of time, on vacations she usually sits in the car while the rest of us go tour things. We rented a wheelchair for the trip and she was able to get out and see some sights. This made me happy...beyond words. We also went into New Jersey to see where my great grandpa on my father's side had lived and to try to find his gravesite. There was some controversy, you could say, involving my great grandfather. When my great grandmother died, he left his young son (my grandpa) to be raised by my great, great grandparents. My great grandfather moved to another state and started another life. No one really knows exactly why he left. It was neat to hear stories from my dad about his family and things that he remembers. I really do love my parents stories.

The second of my vacations was to Kentucky with my sister. Louisville, to be specific. For the past 3 years, my sister and I have taken vacations. It's a nice time to just get away. The past two years have been trips to the beach, so this year we decided to head "inland". This trip included a stop at Churchill Downs, Zachary Taylor's gravesite, one of Frank Lloyd Wright's houses in Ohio and a breif stop in Ohio Amish Country. However, the main events were the stop at The Louisville Slugger Museum, the Jim Beam distillery, and the Kitchen Aid factory store in Ohio. Yes, I bought a baseball bat. Anyone that knows me shouldn't have to question that. Yes, I tried Jim Beam bourbon. I've decided that I'll stick to beer and wine. Yes, I bought myself a Kitchen Aid mixer. I've already made a chocolate cake using it. It was a very fun vacation. We've decided that we'd definitely do Kentucky again.

Other than vacations, I've been running around getting different check-ups done for myself and my car. I've been to two Pirate baseball games so far, with hopes to go to a third. I've had a girls day with two friends that I grew up with, and we have plans to do another girls weekend with more of the group hopefully in September. I've enjoyed a bonfire and sitting on the porch with the friend that's known me the longest. We have plans for many other things this summer.

Daily activities have included helping out at my parents house. My mom fell in June and has been having a hard time recouperating. Luckily nothing was broken, but she's scared that she'll fall again. She's very sensitive and downhearted about life. I keep hoping that she'll come back around and be herself. My dad will be 80 in December. He's trying to juggle taking care of a garden and the land while dealing with tractors and equipement breaking down. He's also trying to figure out what it is to be 79 and not be able to do things he used to, both in the physical and mental sense. It's literally heartbreaking to see your parents like this. My older sister deals with this daily and has taken on the task (whether she had wanted it or not) of caring for my parents. I have no idea how she does it. But, I'm thankful that she's there. I worry about her to. I try to help out as much as I can during the school year, but I'm 4 1/2 hours away. My other two sisters live closer, but are married and apparently have lives that don't often include my parents, unless asked or invited. Not sure if this has to do with their husbands or what. But, it's discouraging to say the least.

All in all, it's been a good summer. It's not over yet, but it seems to be winding down fast. I don't feel prepared to start back to work, but I'm thankful that I do work in a job where I get this break and am able to "start over" each year.

If you've made it through my "update", props to you. This was a long one. But, just ask Sandy, this is usually what my emails are like.

Happy Easter!

2010-04-04T12:52:00.002-04:00

Happy Easter, everybody! I was thinking this morning that I like Easter better than Christmas. There isn't the rushing around, trying to find the perfect present for everyone. You just sit back, enjoy the spring weather, eat chocolate bunnies, and see family. Okay, so there is some rushing around to make sure the ham is cooked and deviled eggs are made, but it's a lot less stressful.

So, sit back, relax, eat those ears off of your chocolate bunny, and enjoy the nice weather!

Diversity

2010-01-05T20:21:00.002-05:00

I read a post from Pioneer Woman today about diversity. Go read it, please. It made me smile. It made me think. It made me aware. I particularly liked her photo of all of the "people" in a big pot with a spoon. I was also glad that it included elderly people and persons with disabilities. I try not to be prejudiced, but I know that I am in some ways. I HATE intolerance of any kind, be it intolerance of other races, disabilities, sexual orientation, age, gender, weight, religion...whatever. I think that it's just silly and shows how little a person knows rather than how "smart" they think they are when they talk about or make jokes about another "group" of people. Does the fact that a person is black/asian/white/hispanic make their views less important? Does the fact that a person is gay/lesbian/straight change their personality? Does a persons age make their opinions less valuable? I mean, what do I care where a persons ancestors came from/who a person chooses to sleep with/what they weigh/who or what they worship?!? I care about the person that I'm talking to. I care about their personality, their opinions. I mean, yes, I care about their views about life, but I hope that I don't let that influence my decision as to whether I can be their friend/co-worker/family.
Maybe I'm way off base. Maybe I'm living in a dream world. Maybe I'm more prejudiced than I think I am. Who knows. But, I'd like to know your reaction to Pioneer Woman's post.

Happy New Year!!!

2010-01-01T11:55:00.003-05:00

Well, we are leaving 2009 behind and looking forward to 2010. I thought I'd spend time reflecting on 2009 and then I realized that I'll just look forward to 2010. Then I thought, well, maybe I'll just take it one day at a time. Here's the thing...I work in a school, so this New Years thing...well, my New Year starts around the end of August. I consider summer my time to reflect about the past year. So, New Years isn't really that big of a deal. But, I have done some thinking about this whole New Years Resolution thing... And I've come to the conclusion that when I set resolutions...be it now or at the beginning of each school year...I just set myself up for failure. I don't often, if ever, keep my resolutions and then I end up feeling worse about the fact that I couldn't even keep my resolutions and I didn't change anything. So, I'm not making any resolutions this year. I will try hard to live life...whatever that means. And I guess we'll see at the end of the year what exactly it ends up meaning.

Happy New Year, everyone!!!!

Thankful Days 8, 9, & 10

2009-12-06T00:03:00.001-05:00

Today...okay, I missed a few days... I am thankful that I work with a great group of people! I really like hanging out with them!

Thankful Day 7

2009-12-02T22:28:00.002-05:00

Today I am thankful that my Christmas tree is up, lights on, angel on, and tree skirt around it. That seems to be the hardest part. Now I just have to put the ornaments on.

Thankful Day 6

2009-12-01T23:33:00.001-05:00

Today I am thankful for a four-day week. And for a comfy bed that I'm about to crawl into!

Thankful Day 5

2009-12-01T23:30:00.000-05:00

A day late...
Today I am thankful for a safe trip back to my apartment.

Thankful Day 4

2009-11-29T17:28:00.002-05:00

Today I am thankful for the familiar. Familiar people, familiar places and familiar routines. It's nice to know people and feel like you belong somewhere.

Thankful Day 3

2009-11-28T17:36:00.003-05:00

Today I am thankful that we had a successful family baking experience. My three sisters and I were at my mom and dad's and we all baked Christmas cookies. We made 5 different kinds...not sure how many total, but we all came away with quite a few to enjoy now and some to save for our family Christmas on December 27th. We all seemed to enjoy ourselves and no one got mad at anyone. And even though we are all tired, I think that we all had a good time and are glad that Mom suggested the idea.

Thankful Day 2

2009-11-28T09:22:00.002-05:00

I know, I know, I missed saying what I was thankful for yesterday. So, here is what I was thankful for yesterday...

I'm thankful to have seen the first snowflakes of the season! I LOVE SNOW!!!!

Thankful

2009-11-26T09:12:00.002-05:00

I know I haven't blogged in a while. I really have no excuse.

I meant to start this yesterday, but I was too busy. So, I'll do it today.

I have a friend or two who have been posting all month what they are thankful for. Kind of a way to get in the Thanksgiving spirit. I realized this week that I was not at all in the Thanksgiving spirit. In fact, I wasn't very thankful at all. So, I decided that I'd start on the 25th of November and post something every day that I'm thankful for until Christmas...or New Years. I'm hoping that that will also put me in the Christmas spirit.

Today...I am thankful that I can come home. I am thankful that I can still come home to the place where I was raised. I am thankful that I can be surrounded by family and friends. I am thankful that it is a place that lets me unwind and leave the stress behind. I am thankful that I can come home.

All Will Be Right In My World

2009-07-01T15:09:00.002-04:00

Later this evening, all will be right in my world.
For the past 10 years or so, there has been something that has been off about my summers. The fireflies weren't as bright, the appeal of summer hasn't been there for me, and time just seemed to pass like any other day.
Why? Why have I not had amazing summers for the past 10 years? Oh, there have been plenty of great summers. Nice weather, great trips, ocean fun. But, it just hasn't been the same.
But tonight, tonight, all will finally be set right. My summer world will be placed firmly back on its axis.
Why and how, you ask??
Tonight, the missing piece, the missing person from my summers will be back in her rightful place! And the heavens will rejoice!

For as long as I can remember, the start of summer, for me, was always signaled by the arrival of twins from Oklahoma. It always happened around the end of May. My family would know when our neighbors, Lou and Dale and their son Johnny would leave for Oklahoma. That's when the waiting would begin. We would know when they were leaving and how long they planned to be gone. Around the expected date, I would always try to be outside after school. I would watch the road and my neighbors house, not knowing if the truck would come up the road or down the road. Then the day would finally come. The truck would come past and either honk the horn or sometimes they didn't have to because the sounds of girls in the back of the truck was enough to alert me that summer was offically here. Sandy and Brandy had arrived! Then it was the waiting for a phone call to be invited up or for them to come walking down the road! That's when summer began! And, boy, did it ever begin. Nights at the Big House, hanging out watching movies at Lou and Dale's, being invited to stay for dinner with Lou's cooking (I remember mac and cheese for some reason), catching fireflies, playing that game with the two ropes that you pull apart and the thing in the middle, bible school, playing in the park, birthday parties at the Big House, eating watermelon that had been chilled in the creek at the Big House, swimming in the pool at the trailer, Teen Time, Church Camp. I have so many memories and could probably go on forever...
Then, the beginning of August would roll around and it was time for them to pack up the truck again and time to say good by until next May. Summer was over and my friends were leaving town. But, I always had next May to look forward to.

Then we all grew up and went different ways. They didn't come in the summers any more. We went to college, got married, had kids, moved to different parts of the country. Summer was never the same.
Until last summer when one half of the duo came in July! It was the same anticipation! Waiting to see their car up the road. And sure enough, didn't I get a call from her aunt the second they pulled in the driveway at Lou and Dale's house. And this time, Sandy decided to stay full time!
And so, today, I sit with the same anticipation that I remember having for all those summers of my childhood. Brandy is coming tonight! I feel like I'm 10 years old again, waiting for the call that she's here, half ready to ask my mom if I can go play with Sandy and Brandy. (Don't worry, I don't have to ask anymore...I have my own car and I just tell her that I'm going to play ;)).

Tonight, all will be right with the world because two of the greatest people from my childhood, and life for that matter, will be here as a cohesive unit. All is right in the world. Now we just have to convince her to stay ;)

2009-05-21T20:58:00.003-04:00

Today, the strong urge to buy a motorcycle came over me. Don't worry, I didn't actually buy one...yet But, how cool would it be to have one??
When I was little, I asked for a motorcycle for Christmas.
You know what I got??
A toy motorcycle.
I didn't think that was very funny.
The rest of the family did.
Anyway...seriously...how cool would it be to have a motorcycle?
Maybe I'll buy one as a reward to myself for something in the future. Like, not in a year, but maybe 5 or 10 years down the road?
You know, my list of things to do keeps getting longer every day.

Shopping

2009-05-19T18:19:00.002-04:00

Tonight, after work, I went shopping for new clothes.
There was an excellent chance that this would be a great outing.
The other day, I had seen a couple things that I wanted to try on.
I had coupons that if I would have bought a total of $75 worth of clothes, I actually would have only paid $20. So, that's what I was shooting for...at least $75 worth to make my coupons work for me.

The clothes were great...great colors, great looks, my styles. I mean, these clothes were f--ing HOT!!!

And then I entered the dressing room. And that's where it all went straight to hell!

The clothes that were so hot on the hanger were not so much on me. They either didn't fit or didn't fit right. They showed too much of the things I don't want to show... You know...the fat, stretch marks, etc.

And now I'm totally disappointed. I mean, these clothes were great. They were the styles that I like, the colors that I like and are in fashion, and they were clothes that had the potential to make me look like great (you know the clothes...the ones you see everyone else wearing an think, "That's really cute or hot or whatever other word you want to put in here.") And I walked out of there with absolutely nothing!

So, now, I'm determined to lose weight. When I think about my body, the image that's in the mirror is not the image that comes to mind. Then, I happen to walk by the mirror and I quickly look away because that can't be me.

Anyone have any good, quick, healthy recipes? Anyone have any advice on huge weight loss? Help, please!

Wide Open Spaces

2009-05-12T21:09:00.002-04:00

Have you ever wanted to lay down in a field and just surrender yourself to the grass and wind?

No? Maybe I'm the only one. Almost two years ago, as my friend and I were driving across country, I had this experience. We were in Minnesota, on some back roads, driving through the praire. Every now and then a grain elevator would show itself. No trees, no mountains. We ended up surrounded by praire at one point. The landscape was open and green; green and rolling. The wind was amazing. We learned later that they were having high cross winds in the northern plains. Whatever it was, it was a beautiful combination. So beautiful, breath-taking, and awe-inspiring that I had to stop the car. Literally, I pulled over and just sat. I had to feel it. We rolled down the windows. I got out. I had to feel it. What I really wanted to do was to run into the middle of the grass and lay down. However, I didn't think that whoever owned the land would appreciate that. So, I restrained. We took video and pictures, but they don't do it justice.

Since then, I often feel like I need to do that. Just find a field and lay down in the grass. And just be. Just let everything blow over me and be in the middle of it, and just be. Not worrying about the pile of papers that keep growing on my desk at work, not worrying about emptying the dishwasher, not trying to make anyone happy. Just be.

When I think about where I want to vacation or where I would go on retreat, my mind goes there. To forget it all. To just be. To the green, wide open, rolling praire.

Now I've Heard It All...

2009-02-23T22:16:00.002-05:00

So, I was watching the local evening news tonight when a story caught my attention. Keep in mind that I live probably the largest farming area in the state. The headline was about a new Farm Odor Law that is being put into place on Feb. 27th. Farmers will now have to have a management plan for controlling farm odor. Are you kidding me??? The problem, they said, is that more residential areas are creeping closer and closer to the rural farming areas and the smell is becoming a problem.

Hello... am I the only one who thinks that this is ridiculous. So, you mean to tell me that when a person decides to build or buy a house within seeing distance to a farm, they don't think that those pretty cows they see won't come with some extra smells??? Seriously??? Is it the farmers fault that manure smells?? You knew this when you bought the house! But, no, we wouldn't want to offend any one, would we?

Here is what the new regulations entail for the farmers:
-Farmer must submit a plan to the state from a certified odor-management specialist.
-State Conservation Commission will review and decide whether to approve each plan.
-Projects likely to affect farm's neighbors must include strategies for managing odor, such as cleaning regimen or ventilation system.
-Regulations take effect Feb. 27
-Only affect new or expanding CAFO (concentrated animal feeding operations) buildings

Luckily, it only affects new buildings on farms.

A spokesman for the state farm bureau, who backs this plan and helped to write it, estimated that a management plan will cost about $1200 for the farmer, not including any installation of fans or ventalation systems. $1200 just to write up a plan...a piece of paper stating how you will control the wind that carries the smells that occur naturally in nature.

Dennis Wolff, the secretary of agriculture said that "the new rules are especially important with increasing sprawl in farm communities" and that "These new regulations are geared to help minimize conflict between those not accustomed to farm odors and the agricultural producers working to meet our increasing world food needs." No wonder there is a disconnect between farm and table. No one wants to accept the things that go along with food production.

Part of what makes country life great, in my opinion, is being able to smell the country. Whenever we would go for a drive on a Sunday and we would smell manure in the air, my dad would always take a deep breath and say something about the good smell of that Clarion County air. Whenever I smell the country, I take a deep breath...and will continue to do so, hoping that I'll actually be able to smell it.

Observations

2009-02-08T13:31:00.002-05:00

Yesterday, I went to the local public library in an effort to get some paperwork done. I needed to be away from the distractions of my place and my office. After searching for an empty table where I could spread out my binders and paperwork, I ended up settling on one in the children's section. It was well lit and there were maybe one or two people there. So, I settled down to work.

The children's section in the library is the entire second floor. There is a castle tower, a kitchen play area, computers with kids games, and, of course, books. As I was working, there were two girls, I'm assuming they were sisters, who were wandering about, looking at books and trying out the games. The one girl found her way to the kitchen play area and started to make dinner. She set about the chores and was interrupted by a phone call on the yellow plastic phone. She answered it cheerfully, as if it was no inconvenience to be interrupted in the middle of cooking. Apparently it was one of her best friends on the phone because she seemed delighted to be talking to the person on the other end of the plastic phone conversation. After the conversation had ended, she continued to fix dinner with no problems...no water boiling over the pan, no burnt food, no flopped new recipes.

As I was watching and listening to the scene play out before me, I couldn't help but think about how much I'd like to go back to those days. When you pretended to be an adult, nothing bad ever happened at your job, dinner always turned out perfectly, and the bill collectors never called or sent letters. Everything was always perfect and pleasant in your pretend adult life. I remember pretending to be various things when I was growing up. I was a tomboy, so these aren't your traditional roles that I would find myself in. I remember pretending that I ran a lumber company/hardware store and took orders for so many 2x4's and certain countertops. I remember pretending that I was a mechanic and customers would come in to have a tune-up. I remember pretending that I was a farmer who was bailing a bumper crop of hay. I remember pretending that I was a successful baseball player who was playing in a game that was tied, in the bottom of the ninth with 2 outs, and I hit a home run to win the game.

Whatever the role was that I found myself in, nothing bad ever happened. No one ever got mad that the lumber order didn't arrive on time. No one was upset that they had to have a complete overhaul of their engine. The crops never failed because of a drought. My team always won the world series and never had a player busted because of steroid use.

I watched this little girl playing house and thought about how nice it would be to be happy every time the phone rang or enjoy doing daily house chores. I thought about how our entire childhood is preparing us for adulthood. We role play various things, trying them out, figuring them out, seeing how it works. Then, one day, we realize that we aren't role playing any more. We are adults and suddenly bad things happen. People are mad when we don't meet deadlines. People expect things from us and if we don't meet those expectations, there are consequences. The drain clogs and water runs all over the floor. The cookies burn to a crisp and you throw them in the trash.

Then I realized that children have to block out the bad things in life. Adults have to shelter the kids from some of the every day crap that goes on. Otherwise, who would want to grow up and be an adult.

Note to self...

2008-12-16T21:18:00.002-05:00

...watching the Biggest Loser while baking Christmas cookies does not do wonders for the self-esteem.

On the bright side. It started snowing this afternoon and my world is now blanketed in a soft, fluffy white snow! If I were brave enough and not scared of being outside, alone, in the dark, I would go outside and sit in the peacefulness. I love the calming effect that snow has. It's somehow spiritual to me. I could sit there and just lose it all. Ah, what I wouldn't give for that.

Thoughts about Thanksgiving

2008-11-27T10:02:00.002-05:00

Thanksgiving... The time when family gathers around and gives thanks.

Does anyone else think that it seems like Thanksgiving is almost a forgotten holiday? Maybe not forgotten, but more of like a speed bump? I feel like we love summer and celebrate Labor Day as the last "hurrah" for summer. Them we gear up for back to school and Halloween. Then, as soon as Halloween is over, it's the mad dash for Christmas. They start rolling out Christmas decorations and Christmas commercials well before Thanksgiving. People are focused on getting ready for that all important day AFTER Thanksgiving when the literal "Holiday Rush" starts. So, does anyone else feel like we kind of skim over Thanksgiving, or is it just me?

Maybe it's because I'm grown up now and Thanksgiving traditions have changed, so in some ways it doesn't really feel like Thanksgiving used to. We used to wake up to the smell of turkey in the oven. We would watch the beginning of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade and then load up the car for the drive that took us over the river and through the woods to Grandma's house. We'd carry in all of the goodies. Grandma would have transformed her sitting room into a wonderful dining room with tables covered in white cloth tablecloths, the good plates, cut glass dishes and bowls of fruit. We would all sit on the stairs and watch the happenings below. The aunts and older sisters busy in the kitchen and carrying out the rolls and cranberry salad. We'd finish watching the Macy's parade. All of the cousins and aunts and uncles would come in until the house was full. Then we'd sit down to eat and carry on. Grapes had been known to go flying through the air. And if you asked for a roll when it was near one of your uncles or older cousins, you better be a good catcher. After the meal was over, the women would clean up and then sit around the room discussing the happenings of the area or what the family would be doing for Christmas. We'd exchange names to see what family member we would buy a Christmas present for. The men would all head out to the barns to practice their shooting. I'd usually always end up out their with them because they were more fun than sitting around talking. Plus, I liked being outside. Grandma's was always magical that time of year. Things were bustling and everyone was there. And, most of the time, there was snow!!!

Now, I'm older and I understand the work that goes into planning and making Thanksgiving. I help make the pies and other things. We don't make the trip to Grandma's house because Grandma isn't here any more. We've made new traditions. Now we stay at my parents house. My two older sisters and their families come to this house. Lately, we haven't even had both of my older sisters here for Thanksgiving. They have obligations to go to their in-laws or on a family trip.

Things have changed and maybe that's why I feel like Thanksgiving isn't as big of a deal as it used to be. But, as I write this, I'm smelling the turkey in the oven and I'm planning on going and getting "dressed up" for guests to come. And, there is snow on the ground. So, maybe things haven't changed all that much. Maybe it's just all in the way you look at Thanksgiving.

New York City!!

2008-11-23T20:03:00.002-05:00

So, I finally went to New York City. I can cross that off of my places to visit. I figured up that in the past two years, I have been to a lot of new places...Toronto, Baltimore, west of the Mississippi (which included 11 states and Mexico and cities like Seattle, San Francisco and San Diego). In the past seven or so years, I have also had the opportunity to go to places like Atlanta and Boston. I'm very fortunate to have been all of these places. Now that I think about it, maybe I should post about all of my trips that I have been on. But, for now, I'll post about New York City!

It all started in the last part of August when a group of teachers were at a training for the school district. The speaker was...well...not interesting and we all had our computers, so needless to say, we did other things. Some of the teachers that I work with at one elementary school...my favorite elementary school...decided that it would be fun if we could all take a trip together and hang out with each other outside of school. Someone came upon the idea of taking a bus trip to NYC to see the Rockettes Christmas Show.

They decided that it was a plan and set about starting the signing ups. We could all take one other person, husband, friend, child, etc.. I immediately texted my sister, Karen, figuring that I would have to talk her into going. She's not so much of the spontaneous type. But, she totally shocked me on this one. When I called her that night to see if she got my text and if she wanted to go, I didn't have to talk her into it at all...she wanted to go.

So, last weekend, we boarded the bus and started out on the 3 1/2 hour trip to NYC! There were 13 in our group from school. Just the trip up and back was fun...hearing everyones stories and laughing together. Karen and I had talked about what we wanted to do and had somewhat of a plan. We were somewhat worried about the weather. It rained on the way up and neither of us brought an umbrella. We had about 4 hours before we had to be at Radio City to see the Christmas Spectacular. We knew we didn't want to stray too far from our destination because neither of us knew anything about the city, other than what we could glean from maps and the internet.

We were dropped off about five blocks from Times Square. We decided that since we were so close, we'd walk down a ways to see it. It was drizzling only a little, so we didn't mind walking. On the way we found the M&M store and took a look inside. Pretty much what you'd expect from a touristy M&M store...lots of M&Ms and random things to buy. We were about two blocks from Times Square and we took a picture, but saw no need to actually be in the center of Times Square.

We turned towards Rockefeller Center and walked down the street. We decided that we wouldn't want to live in the city, be in New York for New Years Eve, or be walking the streets alone in the dark. We found the Christmas Tree in Rockefeller Center. It had just been trucked in the morning before...we watched it on the Today Show. It wasn't lit up and there was the scaffolding around it, but it was still cool to see. We looked at the ice rink for a bit and decided we were hungry. We ended up eating at the Rock Center Cafe, which looks out onto the ice rink at Rockefeller Center.

We wanted to go to the Top of the Rock observation deck, but when we went the first time, the nice doorman told us to save our money and come back a little later. There was so much fog that the visibility was at zero. Such a nice doorman! So, we went to see St. Patrick's Cathedral. I love architecture, so it was a must on our tour. Sadly, I found the outside to be overshadowed by all of the skyscrapers. I guess I need wide open spaces in which to enjoy the stature of things. Anyway, we went inside. Karen said that she couldn't imagine walking down that huge isle if she got married there! It was really cool architecture on the inside and amazing stained glass windows. And really neat stations of the cross. I've seen the stations of the cross as pictures in Catholic Churches, but these were sculptures and stained glass and candles at each one. I was hoping to find more on the history of the church, but sadly, I didn't.

We then walked around the other side of Rockefeller Center. I got a picture of Saks Fifth Avenue. The windows weren't done yet for Christmas, but still cool to say I've seen Saks. We took in the view of Rockefeller Center that is usually on TV. It looks so much bigger on tv. I don't know how they get those long shots of the tree, as the Saks Fifth Avenue building sits right at the end of it. I guess they have a long lens or something. I just thought that it was this really narrow like sidewalk/park, but it's not really.

By this point, the fog was starting to clear, so we decided to go up to the Top of the Rock...the top of Rockefeller Center. I'm so glad we went up. We had a view of Central Park, the Brooklyn bridge, Trump towers...less impressive than what I thought it would be, the Chrysler Building, the Empire State Building, the Statue of Liberty...we had to use the zoom lens to guess that that's what it was, and a bird's eye view of St. Patrick's Cathedral...more impressive from that angle, but still small in comparison. We took lots of pictures up there...in fact, we had to buy new batteries for the camera up there :) I'm glad that we decided to do Top of the Rock because we got to see most of the NYC sites that you hear about, but that we wouldn't have had time to see.

So, then, it was time to head over to Radio City Music Hall to see the Christmas Spectacular. It was an hour before the show and the line was already starting to snake around the building. We made it inside in less time than I thought it would take. Once the show started, all I can say is WOW!!! It started off with organ music, then Santa, then the Rockettes, who were the stars of the show! They had a 3-D show for the second part. We had to dodge snowballs thrown by polar bears and geese in the sky as Santa made his way from the North Pole to NYC. The show was amazing. How those ladies can be in perfect synchronization all of the time is astounding!!!! The best part was the Rockettes and the snow "bubbles" that they blew into the auditorium. It was fun looking around and seeing everyone in amazement about the snow. It was also great to look over and see my sister having such a good time. I compare people watching the Rockettes to people watching fireworks. If you've never watched someone watching fireworks, add it to your list of things to do. It's so cool.

Well, it was time to head out, find a bite to eat and meet the bus. We had wanted to head up to Bar Americain, Bobby Flay's one restaurant in NYC, but we didn't make it there. We found a little deli and bought sandwiches and a raspberry cookie. We ate the cookie there and took the sandwiches for the bus. As we were all standing on the corner of 7th Ave and 50th Street, talking about our days and what everyone had done, one of the teachers spotted Bobby Flay coming around the corner!!! Yes, no lie! I have seen Bobby Flay in person on the streets of NYC!!!!!! The teacher, Missy, said, "Hey, that's Bobby Flay!" and pointed her finger at him. He noticed and heard her and said "Hey! How's it going?" and continued on his way!

We boarded the bus and heard that another teacher and her husband, were standing eating their Godiva chocolate and saw Ivanka Trump (Donald's daughter) walking into the Rainbow Room.

Needless to say, as you can see from how long my post was, it was a great trip. The weather cleared up and it was actually warm for the middle of November...we didn't need our coats. The weather was actually perfect...it rained on the way up, drizzled a little then cleared up, then rained on the way back. I wouldn't mind visiting again, but there is no way I could live there. But, I'm glad to say that I've been to NYC and I'm glad to say that I went there with my sister!

I'm still here...I think...

2008-11-22T17:25:00.002-05:00

Yeah, so, my last post was back in October and I was complaining about how busy I was and that I should be caught up in a little while. Right... Now it's almost the end of November. I don't think I really, truly realized how behind I was. On top of that, I've been busy with family...either having them visit me or me visiting them. Don't get me wrong, I really love being with my family. A couple years ago, I don't know if I would have said that, but perhaps absence makes the heart grow fonder. I don't know. Being 4 1/2 hours away is not so conducive to frequent visits, even though I think I can keep up with it. I basically lose an entire day driving. It sucks, to say the least. Maybe I need to be closer??...

Or maybe I need to just keep up with all of my work stuff so that I can have time for fun things.

Every thing I'm behind on is all work stuff. The thing is that when I cross one thing off of my list, I remember two or three more things that I need to add. I don't really know how I got so far behind. I guess that just going to work, trying my best, and coming home at the end of the day isn't just good enough. Don't ever become a teacher. You think that it's going to be all about hanging out with kids and encouraging them...but, it's not. It's all about paperwork and money and parents. I'm sure that's not just the case with being a teacher. I'm sure lots of other jobs have a lot of shit to deal with that aren't told to you upon being hired. No one tells you this when you are in college or grad school, either. No one tells you that it's really about how many clients you can see and how much money you can bring in and that you won't actually see any of that money in order to advance your program. You have to fight to get what you have. No one tells you that you won't just work from 8-4. No, you'll work longer hours than that doing paperwork, writing reports, making homework, billing, emailing. And you'll spend even more time worrying about things that you don't have finished yet. It will ruin your nights and weekends. It will stress you out trying to get caught up that you will have to eat tums and look up what anxiety attack symptoms are on Web MD because your chest is pounding and your left arm hurts.

The thing is that I never learn my lesson. Procrastination is a nasty, nasty habit. Don't befriend it. It's not nice. And when you want it to leave, it won't. I keep thinking that if I can just get caught up I'll be okay. The thing is that I don't know what it will take to get caught up, because, like I said, when I cross one thing off, two or three more things get added. It never ends. It ends when summer break comes. And I have some repreive. But, I don't know if I was meant to work like this. A friend once told me that basically, I shouldn't complain about how much I work because I have summers off and that makes up for it. I guess it does. Maybe.

Anyway, I'm complaining too much. And I have so many ideas for other things to post about. Like my NYC trip or Thanksgiving or seasons. I'll save those for later. Maybe later tonight or tomorrow. I keep putting off writing about these things and I really shouldn't. I'll be back soon.

Where did the past few weeks go??

2008-10-12T19:28:00.002-04:00

It has been a long couple of weeks. Things just seem to have gotten away from me. I'm really behind at work, which isn't good when you have to abide by state deadlines. My house is a mess, and I just keep having visions of how nice it would be to have my whole place cleaned from top to bottom and all decked out for fall. This past week flew by and I feel like I didn't do anything. Hopefully I'm getting back on track. I have lots of things rolling around in my head that I'd like to blog about, including fall and what's really important...at least more important than work. But, those ideas will have to keep rolling around in there for a little while longer...at least until I feel like I have a handle on things again.

Welcome, Hayden!!!

2008-09-24T21:09:00.002-04:00

I know that this isn't really my news to share, but I just got the call...

Hayden John Tyler Jackson
9-24-08
3:05 p.m. (that's the time his great grandma thought he was born)

I'll leave the rest of the details to Sandy to tell.

Congratulations Sandy, David and Erin!!!
I can't wait to meet him!!!!

Family Dynamics

2008-09-21T21:37:00.002-04:00

A week or so ago Sandy wrote a post about how her family has changed. Today, my sister and I had a similar conversation about our family. So, I thought I'd post part of an email that covers some of my thoughts on the matter.

I read your blog post about things not being
the same as you remember them. It's crazy, isn't it? I think that's
what happens when you become an adult. I've been thinking about your post
and how true that is for my family too and I'm wondering if that's the "loss of
innocence" they talk about...or at least one facet of it. I don't know
about you, but when I look back at growing up, I usually remember the good
parts, the feelings of belonging and being part of something important and
big. And now I look at it and just see the brokenness and lonelyness and
wish that it could go back to the way it was. Maybe things really were
like that...warm and cozy. Maybe they weren't. Maybe it's because we
now realize the responsibilities our parents and grandparents had to take on to
make life like that for us. Maybe it's because times have changed.
Or maybe this happens to everyone as they grow up...even as far back as our
great great grandparents. Who knows. All I know is that I still long
for that feeling of belonging and wish that family was as close as I
remember us all being. But, I do think that the thing that
causes change is that some of that "glue" that held our families
together...our grandparents, our aunts, our great aunts, whoever...have
passed on and taken the memories and the strength with them. But,
perhaps it's just the passing of a torch from one family member to the
next. Now it's our turn to make that feeling of belonging for others in
our family, our turn to remember the memories and pass them on, our turn to
insist on traditions that will hold our family together. Somebody
wrote a comment about not being able to go back home. I think
you can go back home. But, we just have to remember that, just as we grew
when we moved away from home, our families grew when we moved away too.
Although I have a hard time digesting that.

I'm still trying to figure out my role in my family
now that I'm an adult. And in some ways, I don't think that some of my
family views me as an adult. I often still feel like I'm being treated
like a 12 year old by some people. And I don't know how to handle
that.

They Really Like Me!!

2008-09-10T20:30:00.003-04:00

I think I said this in another post... I'm trying to focus on the positives of my job. There are so many things that I don't like, that I need to find the good things.

Well, yesterday and today were good days at work. I've been reaffirmed as to why I like to work with kids... Yesterday and today were some of the first days that I've seen "my kids" this year. I've been busy doing paperwork and setting up my therapy schedule. So, the best part of my job is seeing the kids faces either in the hall or when I show up at the door for the first time during the school year. They light up! I've had several students see me in the hall and make a point of asking "when can I come to speech?" or "when can I come and see you?". Teachers have told me that their students had been asking when speech was going to start. One student even did the little "yes!" hand-pump when I knocked on her classroom door and asked her teacher if I could see her. That made my whole day!!

This is why I like working with kids...

Birthday!

2008-09-04T21:04:00.002-04:00

Turning 27 was much better than turning 26! Even though I spent it at work...all day (tonight was parent night, so all the teachers had to be there...happy birthday to me), this years birthday was much better than last years. I'm not sure why, but I'm feeling good about turing this age.

Baseball and Western TV shows...These are a few of my favorite things!!!

2008-09-03T18:08:00.003-04:00

My parents and one sister were down at my place this past weekend. It was nice, but I always hate to see them leave and it takes me a couple days to adjust back to the normal routine of living alone. I go through the same thing when I go home (to my parents) and then have to come back to my place. It just seems so empty.
Anyway, we had a nice time. My dad went to a woodworking store and a seed store, so he seemed happy. My mom was able to get into my apartment and kept remarking that she really liked my place. She's trying to convince my dad to come back at the end of October...I think she'll win him over to the idea. My sister, Karen, is such a good person. She is always willing to help me out. It seems like she is always helping me to either pack or unpack boxes since I've moved so many times. But she never complains, only asks what else she can do to help. I'm so blessed to have her as my sister and blessed that we are best friends.
We also celebrated my birthday a few days early. My parents bought me a grill! My dad and I put that together on Sunday and it was actually easier to put together than I thought it would be. They also bought me the 3rd season of Little House on the Prairie! I love Little House on the Prairie!!!! Seriously...you have no idea! If I could only go back in time, I'd go back to that time in history. My sister bought me gift cards to Starbucks and iTunes and a Pittsburgh Pirates t-shirt. To be more exact, it's a PNC Park t-shirt! I love baseball and the Pittsburgh Pirates...probably with the same ferocity that I love Little House on the Prairie, maybe even more! Oh...and...my mom made me Oh Henry Bars... These things are amazing...much better than any typical birthday cake! I'm not talking about the candy bar. This is Rice Krispies mixed with hot sugar and corn syrup and peanut butter. Pour that in a pan and let is set. Then heat chocolate bits in the microwave and pour that on top of the rice krispie mixture. It's heaven!! Anyway, Karen found Pittsburgh Pirate batting helmet candles at a party store and put those on the Oh Henry Bars! How perfect...chocolate, peanut butter and the Pirates!! It was an awesome birthday a few days early!
But, now it's back to the normal work week and all the joys that that brings.........

Long Weekend!

2008-08-28T20:09:00.002-04:00

Well, somehow I survived the first week...four days...of school. Granted, it wasn't a normal week. I didn't see students. I spent the entire week going through paperwork, talking to teachers, trying to set up my schedule and organizing my room. And the craziness begins. This year, my goal is to not take things so personally. When a parent has a complaint or my supervisor or prinicipal asks me to do yet one more thing or when a teacher questions my rationale, I won't take it personally. I always carry those things around, as if it was some attack on me as a person. I need to learn to let it go. I've had to remind myself that serveral times this week. I've had to tell myself to not get worked up and that I really do know what I'm doing (for the most part). And hopefully by doing that, I will have a better year. That's the hope, at least.

My family is coming down to my place this weekend...my mom, dad and one of my sisters. They're coming to spend the long weekend with me. It's one of the reasons I moved. I wanted to make sure my family could stay with me and not in a hotel. So, I moved to a first floor apartment so my parents wouldn't have to do the 20 some steep stairs. It's also nice for carrying in the groceries, I must admit :) So, we'll hang out at my place, they'll help me do some things (plant mums, figure out how to make tie backs for my curtains, help me pick out lamps) and we'll go see the sights in Amish Country. And, of course, we'll go out to eat at one or two of those Amish Country restaurants that are famous for their down home cooking...mmm...

But, for now, it's time to stop procrastinating and get back to laundry, dishes, and sorting through boxes before they come!

Have a great weekend...anyone else up to anything fun this weekend?

Why I Need to Blog

2008-08-24T20:54:00.000-04:00

"No man is an island" - John Donne

This quote is one of the few things I remember from my three semesters of humanities in college. In fact, I even had to look up the author of the quote before posting this. In any case, this has stuck with me and often comes to mind. If I remember correctly from class discussions, this quote basically means that man (or woman) can't exist by themselves, they need to have others around them, to interact with. Last night I watched "Into the Wild". Pretty good movie. If you haven't seen it...stop reading now. The movie is about a guy who basically removes himself from society...living pretty much without material things, he burns his money, walks the country and finally ends up in the Alaskan wilderness. He's trying to find happiness. He lives in the wilderness alone, finding shelter and food and creating a pretty good life for himself. When he thinks he is content, he tries to go back home, only to find that he can't...he's stranded. At the end of the movie, when he realizes that he can't go back to people, he writes down his understanding of happiness: "happiness only real when shared".

I often feel like I am on this search for happiness. In the last 5 years I have lived in three different towns. All of the towns were at least 1 1/2 hours from where I grew up. The more I move, the further away I go. I feel like if I keep moving, I'll find that thing that has been illuding me...happiness. But I haven't found it yet, and I'm getting tired of the search.

I tend to keep all of my thoughts inside. When I hang out with friends, I usually steer the conversation to how they are doing or other topics and I don't let it get to how I am or what my life is. I seem to do that best through really long emails to them. I also live by myself, so I have no one to share things with at the end of the day...good or bad. So, that is my hope for my blog. That it will be a place where I can share my day, good or bad, where I can share my thoughts. I'm not a very good writer. I tend to ramble. I tend to make bigger deals out of things than I probably should. So, maybe I should call this blog my online therapy.

Hopefully my introductory blog wasn't too heavy. Perhaps I should say the other reason why I decided to blog... I read my friends blogs and their friends blogs and blogs of people I don't know. And when something fun happens to me, I find myself wondering how I would post that on a blog...what wording I would use! So, I thought maybe it was time to start my own :)